Surrender

After months in defiance of joining the realm of bloggers, I have found my reason to wave my white flag up in surrender. It is simple: I can't remember diddle squat since I became a mom. I have not kept a steady journal in 3 years since the birth of my first child and there are so many things that I do not want to forget. Some of them I do want to forget, like my "evil mom" days, but I also want to be able to look back at what i am learning and find that I am becoming the mother my kids need in the woman Abba has always adored. So here i go down the road of online journaling hoping to capture these Momoirs.

Macaroni

There was a piece of macaroni on my floor under the table. It bothered me, though not enough to bend over and pick up. The next day it was still there, i noticed it again as i was reading and praying on the couch during those rare moments of solitude granted a mom during nap time. This is "Me" time, not time to pick up a piece of pasta. I think about it for awhile and how the demands of motherhood have sucked the desire for absolute tidiness right out of me. I remember how vacuuming was not interrupted by a 3 yr old unplugging the vacuum or what it was like to make a bed without a giggling girl in it. Cleaning was easier before kids.

I have 3 children all under 3 years of age. And before them i had 3 miscarriages. My heart once ached at the thought of not being able to have children. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom. My barbies were all pregnant, i was my cat's midwife, and for as long as i can remember my life's ambition was to get married and bring on the babies. So needless to say, my wish was granted in full. In the very spot where i had once brokenheartedly begged God for babies, i now beheld the noodle that my first born had dropped. The noodle remained.

Well, much to my disgust, that food item was still under the table until one night my husband declares, "Babe, there's macaroni on the floor." I reply.,"I know, it's been there for few days..." "That's gross!" Jared picks it up and throws it away. His tone is taunting me why i have not gotten to it sooner. I ask him,"Do you know why there's macaroni on the floor?" His answer is an easy,"Why?" "Because i long time ago i played with pregnant barbies..." He appears puzzled so i continue. "See I really really wanted to be a mom and I prayed that someday God would give me children. I got exactly what i asked for and that is the reason that there is a piece of macaroni on the floor."